There's this myth out there that nice guys finish last.
It's not only untrue, but it's actually dangerous to think that.
If you're a nice guy, you're probably convinced that being nice is the kiss of death when it comes to dating. You've likely concluded that the people you desire don't fall for nice. You look around and see all these jackasses doing well with women and you draw the obvious conclusion: being a tool must be the key to studliness. Your ticket to the bedroom should be through lies, infidelity, and massive amounts of hair gel. You may not be too comfortable with that, but hey, it's reality.
Because of this belief, many men spend years studying pick-up techniques from the Internet. The Game. The Mystery Method. Real Social Dynamics. There's a whole world out there dedicated to pick-up artists who promise to dress you, train you, and tell you exactly what to say in every situation. Follow their rules, and they promise to get you phone numbers, or one-night-stands or threesomes, or whatever it is you've always lacked.
The problem with this isn't simply how nauseating and inauthentic it is. After all, putting on a pirate hat and learning a script doesn't turn a nice guy into a bad boy any more than me putting on leather pants turns me into a rock star. The real problem is that even if the pick-up artists do manage to get more phone numbers (and they do, because they hit on women every second of the day), there's no real guidelines for WHAT HAPPENS NEXT.
What happens next is when you let down your guard and act like yourself. And if your only method of talking to women is by pretending to be someone you're not, both you and the woman you duped are in for a very rude awakening.
So what is a nice guy supposed to do?
Two words:
Have balls.
(Substitute the word "confidence" and you can get the graphic image out of your mind.)
What do I mean by "have balls"? Well, I'm sure any woman could tell you herself.
A woman DOES want a man who is kind, thoughtful, and sensitive. She just wants him to have a mind of his own. She wants him to make decisions. She wants him to have confidence. She wants him to be a leader whom she can sometimes follow, as opposed to a man who she has to lead.
Confidence is what she finds attractive about the jerk. If you can be the confident guy without being the jerky guy, you've got it made.
The thing is, as a nice guy, you tend to solve problems by "nicing" your way out. You put women up on a pedestal, you always try to please, and you often have no opinions other than "whatever you say, honey".
You can still be kind. You can still treat her well. But you HAVE to march to the beat of your OWN drummer instead of asking her what drummer she'd like to march to.
For centuries, nice guys have been mistaking their failures in dating with their failures to be jerks. It's simply NOT TRUE.
All a nice guy has to do is to have the confidence to act on principle - rather than catering to her every whim and trying so hard to please.
The rap against nice guys isn't that they're nice. It's that they're BORING.
If you're a nice guy, your big move in 2009 is to get the confidence to make decisions.
Decide where you're going to take her on Friday and let her know when you're picking her up.
Decide that you want to kiss her after a fun night and make your move.
Decide that you're going to be a man to be reckoned with, instead of hoping that you get permission from women to do every little thing, and guess what?
You'll be a man to be reckoned with.
